Going with the motions.

So I'm just putting one foot in front of the other.



this is never going to not be funny 

holy hell

One of the best songs on the album IMO

(Source: Spotify)

Hahah, you think the worse is over.

It’s only just begun.

I guess I just want to vent a little bit considering I haven’t used my tumblr in forever. So here goes,

My dog is getting old, she’s like 17 or 18 I can’t really remember to be honest and she’s been a troublemaker since day one.  They never once trained her, and I was too much of a spastic kid growing up to focus on one thing (Such as training my dog) and really didn’t know how or what to do.

This being said she spent a lot of time peeing or pooping on the carpet in the house, which would usually be cleaned up by myself and then cleaned (Using a carpet cleaner, like a steamer) and usually would be because I was the only one that took the dog out because apparently being a teenager requires you and only you to take out the animal you never asked for.  Well this went on for years, and just overall my dad being a huge ass hole to the dog.  He would throw a shoe at the dog or be too aggressive with her (Would grab her leash and tug her hard.  He’s like 6ft and 300lbs, when you tug on a leash too hard for a less then 65lb dog it hurts the dog.)  Now being in college has really, I don’t know, I come back and things bother me.  I couldn’t wait to leave to go to college because I wanted to get away from my folks.

But I come back and my dog is just getting older, and I realize all the abuse she’s been put through and just feel fucking awful.  She never went hungry or thirsty, they constantly fed her or I made sure she ate over the years but the physical and emotional abuse she’s experienced over the years has really come crashing down on me. 

I came back home for fall break this week, I happen to go back tomorrow but the dog is injured.  She wrapped her leg in her leash (She’s stuck in the kitchen because she was never really potty trained so they keep her on a relatively short leash in the kitchen to avoid her using the carpet as a toilet) and it was pulled when my mom tried to untangle her leg.  So they’re not sure what she did but she yelped and definitely hurt her leg because she wont put much pressure on it.

What ends up happening a few moments ago is my dad being a huge ass hole and he’s taking it out of the dog.  He’s basically dragging her around and I tell him to not do that because the dog is fucking crippled as of right now.  I feel as though a proper recount is in order:

Me: Could you not drag the dog around like that, you know she’s like messed up right?

Dad: You should mind your own business Dan, but out.

Me: No, you should really not do that you’re hurting the dog and you can’t just take your mood out on the dog because you feel like it.

Dad: I’m telling to mind your own business dan and don’t talk to me that way.

Me:  Why are you being such a dick? (Mockingly)

Dad: You better watch the way you fucking talk to me!

Let it be noted that I kept a calm voice through this the entire time, since lets be honest, I’m coming down because being sober here would be a fucking nightmare.  I actually handled it way better then if I were completely sober, I felt like I didn’t really care about what I said at this point.  I truly just feel absolutely awful about my dog, even though she was never the best or friendly animal I would never want he to be mistreated and I feel like there’s nothing I can do.

The point of this is this shit isn’t over.  He told me basically to watch what I said if I knew what was good for me.  The kicker?  He took out a $20,000 loan for my college Freshman year.  You want to be a prick and fuck around?  We remotely start to talk because we can both bitch about my mom, but you’re still the same fucking narcissistic douchebag that you usually are.  I really don’t like that I got too close to you because it’s crazy to have to put my bullshit goggles back on and see you for who you are again.

Yea, keep it up dad.  That loan isn’t going anywhere, and I don’t have to pay it because its your name!!! What a huge mistake to make! Enjoy the debt you suddenly acquired, I would have definitely paid that along with all of my other debt I have but since you want to fuck around, lets make it interesting.  We’ll see how well you do with a sudden $20k of debt just tossed onto you.

It’s just super frustrating living here, I don’t know how I even function so god damn well.  I’m so positive that anyone else would have just crumbled and died by now if they were in this same living situation.


Taisuke MohriResurrections, Giuliano de’Medici, pencil on paper, 73 cm x 73 cm








(Source: arpeggia, via chillwalker)







This is not my usual post. But it’s something I had to share. As you read this, imagine how your reaction would differ if this story were being told by a woman, talking about how her husband treated her.

I have been separated from my wife for over a year, though we continue to share a house. We live on separate floors. We share the house because we need to parent our son together, and because we can’t afford to maintain two households.

I’d like to tell you a story, illustrating one reason why I am divorcing her. This is an example of the treatment I have received over the past fourteen years.

This evening, while she was drinking her wine, my estranged wife took exception to the fact that I wanted to talk about how tense she’s been. She said she didn’t want to talk about it.

I left the room (so as to comply with her request).

I went upstairs to use our tiny guest bathroom. She began to yell and throw things around the kitchen, then eventually charged up the stairs and into the bathroom, just as I was finishing and getting ready to leave. She confronted me there, holding her half-full wine glass in her hand. Her voice got louder, her gestures wilder. 

She complained that I had upset her by wanting to talk when she had told me she didn’t want to talk. As I began to feel uncomfortable, I said, “You’re saying it’s my fault you can’t express your emotions responsibly like an adult?”

She said, “Yes!! It’s because you want to go off and take a vacation with your girlfriend!” Then she threw the contents of her glass in my face and smashed it against my bare chest.

The results are pictured here.

I stood there, with shattered glass at my feet, glass shards sticking in my skin, bleeding, for five minutes or so. I asked her to move so that I could leave. She waved the broken stem of the glass in the air and said, “Leave!! Who’s stopping you?”

I told her she was standing between me and the door. I felt threatened. 

She laughed and said, “You’re 6 foot 3 and 250 pounds! You can’t feel threatened by me!”

I said, “You just broke a glass on my chest and cut me. You’re standing there with the stem in your hands. Yes. I feel threatened.

She said, “No, you don’t.”

I asked her to move out of the way and let me pass. I didn’t want her to think I was pushing her or threatening her.

She held her ground, waved the broken stem and shouted, “Go on! Leave! I’m not stopping you!”

After I asked her repeatedly, she finally moved a bit and I left, carefully stepping over the broken glass.

I have posted this here as evidence, and to help those who may think that size and gender make a difference when abuse is concerned. People who, like my estranged, think some have permission to feel threatened and some don’t.

Abusers come in all sizes and genders.

She and I went to a half dozen therapists over the years. At each initial session, every therapist took a look at me, then at her (5’4” 150 lbs.). Then he or she would gravely ask my wife, “Do you feel safe?”

None ever thought to ask me.

Thanks for listening.

Because this needs to be shared. Because abuse is wrong no matter what. Because this saddens my heart.

(via poppoppopwatchmuthafuckasdrop)